How to Protect Your Kids From Toxic Diet Talk

As joyful the holidays can be, family dinners and holiday parties are rife with hidden triggers that can ruin the fun. Around this time of year, three things collide all at once: everyone is eating a large meal, family tension tends to bubble to the surface, and there’s a lot of cultural noise about putting on so-called holiday weight. Put them together, and it’s the perfect storm for diet talk.

Whether it’s a well-meaning comment about your child’s appearance or a full-on convo about going back for seconds, consider this your guide for protecting your kids this holiday season.

How Does Diet Talk Start During the Holidays?

Diet talk can take many forms at the dinner table, including comments that focus on food as “good” or “bad” explains eating disorder therapist Hannah Bishop—for example, when someone at the dinner table announces they’re “being good” by skipping dessert or serving themselves small portions. It also includes conversations around weight which frame body image through a lens of a certain acceptable or ideal shape or number on the scale.

Assigning these types of moral judgments to both certain foods and body sizes isn’t healthy for anyone. But unfortunately, kids are even more susceptible to the harmful effects of diet talk.

“Children and teenagers are incredibly attuned to how adults discuss bodies and food,” Bishop says. “They’re learning what’s ‘normal’ and what they should value, so when they hear diet talk, they internalize messages like our worth is tied to body size.”

How Diet Talk Can Lead to Disordered Eating in Kids

It’s not news that many kids, especially girls, feel self-conscious about their bodies. In fact, according to a recent Girl Scouts of the USA survey, a staggering 50% of girls ages 11 to 13 wish they could change something about their appearance. 

“When they hear diet talk at the table, it adds another layer of pressure and can chip away at confidence and body trust,” explains Monika Roots, a child and adolescent psychiatrist and co-founder of Bend Health, a provider of pediatric mental health care.

Specifically, diet talk can normalize restriction, over-exercise, and shame around food. A child who hears, “I can’t eat that because it’s bad,” or “I have to earn dessert,” over and over may start to copy that thinking, which may show up as:

• Skipping meals 
• Cutting out whole food groups
• Feeling anxious or guilty after eating certain foods
• Secret eating or hiding food

These disordered eating patterns can slide into a full blown eating disorder, especially in kids who already struggle with anxiety, perfectionism, low self-esteem, or body image, Roots notes.

Tips for Navigating Diet Talk During the Holidays

While it’s important to address diet talk, the holidays are already stressful enough without feeling pressure to get every conversation exactly right. That’s why experts urge parents to focus on awareness rather than perfection when it comes to protecting them.

“Even a few small shifts in how we talk about food and bodies can help kids feel safer in their own skin and more confident sitting at the table,” Roots says. Here’s how to do it.

Set expectations with other adults about avoiding diet talk

Bishop recommends that parents have private conversations with guests and relatives they will be seeing over the holidays before gatherings to inform them that comments about bodies, weight, food choices, or diets are off-limits, at least in front of your children (if they do feel compelled to discuss these topics with other adults, they should be able to do it when the kids are out of the room). 

For instance, if you know one relative who is especially fixated on dieting, you let them know you’re not comfortable talking about weight loss at the Thanksgiving dinner table. Then she suggests offering up other topics that they can talk about instead, such as asking about school, hobbies, friends, or what kids are excited about this year. 

For these conversations, it’s best to be clear but assume good intentions, Roots adds. “Many grandparents and older relatives grew up with very different messages,” she says. “You can say, ‘I know diet talk was common when we were growing up, but we’re trying to do things differently for the kids.’”

Reframe conversations rather than lecturing

If diet talk crops up during a holiday meal, assume a supportive role for your child rather than launching into diatribe or rant that will just make the situation even more tense or awkward. 

“Kids don’t need a lecture at the table,” Roots says. “They need to see that you won’t join in shaming language about food or bodies, and that you’ll speak up in a calm, respectful way when it happens.”

To do this, Roots recommends gently reframing diet talk when it happens in the moment. For example, if a relative comments about “being bad” by having extra gravy, consider saying, “Food isn’t good or bad. We’re allowed to enjoy holiday meals and still take care of our bodies.”

Remember that you are responding that way for the sake of your child’s well-being, not to change another adult’s mind about their own attitude toward their body. 

Redirect compliments focused on appearance 

Some of the most harmful diet talk messages are actually wrapped in compliments. For example, “Wow, you look amazing! Did you lose weight?” or “You’re so tall and skinny, you can get away with eating anything.” 

The best way for parents to respond is to redirect conversations focused on a child’s appearance toward their achievements instead, whether it be a great report card or recent piano recital. “That shifts the attention to their identities and strengths instead of their appearance,” Roots says.

Normalize having a healthy appetite 

Similarly, diet talk can also be disguised as concern at holiday gatherings, whether it’s questioning if a child needs dessert or commenting on the number of calories in a certain dish. 

“For comments about food choices, parents can normalize eating by saying things like, ‘Everyone gets to decide what feels good for their body,’ or, ‘We’re not talking about food that way,’” Bishop advises. 

Roots also recommends reminding kids what a healthy appetite allows our bodies to do, from having more energy, strength, and even connection with loved ones. “Food can be framed as fuel, comfort, culture, and connection, not a math problem to solve,” she says.

Model body-neutral language

Perhaps the most powerful tip experts have for parents on protecting kids from diet talk? Avoid participating in it themselves. “If kids hear you constantly criticizing your weight or earning your food, they absorb that,” Roots says. “If they hear you say things like, ‘This meal is going to give me so much energy for our walk later,’ they absorb that too.”

And keep in mind: Kids are listening closely. “Even what feels like casual diet chatter can reinforce the idea that size matters more than health, joy, or connection, which is exactly the belief we see in many kids with disordered eating,” Roots says.