Study Shows Algorithms Are Teaching Boys How to Be Men

Scroll through a teen boy’s social media feed and it will likely be full of stereotypes on masculinity. That is that a “real man” is one who is tall, muscled, exceptionally handsome, rich. This “real man” does not cry, express sadness, show fear, lack confidence, or back down from a fight. Some experts interpret this narrative to mean that a man is only valued when his sensitive, soft, and compassionate side is suppressed.

This is troubling to experts like Niobe Way, PhD, a professor of developmental psychology at New York University who has conducted research on the social-emotional development of adolescents for almost 40 years. She says this places boys in a strict binary—where they have to choose between sides.

“It idolizes a stereotype of a boy that only values his so-called “hard side” or stereotypically masculine side, and doesn’t value his soft sides,” Dr. Way tells Parents. “Boys are getting a push to not be stereotypically feminine. That only half of their humanity is valued.”

These are heavy messages for young boys to be exposed to and, according to a new study by Common Sense Media (CSM), these messages are impacting how boys see themselves and their understanding of what is expected of them as they grow into adults.

What the Survey Found

The goal of the CSM study was to understand how digital environments influence boys’ sense of identity. Researchers focused on adolescence, the ages between 11 and 17, because it is one of the most significant times of change that a person goes through and because most teenage boys are flooded with confusing social media messages that make it harder to navigate this period.

Researchers conducted in-depth interviews with 10 adolescent boys and found that almost three-quarters of boys regularly encounter digital masculinity content, and more than two-thirds regularly see content promoting harmful gender stereotypes. A connection was also found between the level of exposure to this content and rates of loneliness and conformity to stereotypical ideas of masculinity.

But Michael Robb, the head of research at Common Sense Media and the lead researcher on this study, points out that not all boys are awash in toxic online content all the time. “It’s a mistake to assume that this is all boys,” he says. “I want parents to keep in mind that just because your kids are online, and we see they are encountering stuff that’s associated with masculinity, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are all seeing the most horrible messages and the most horrible gender stereotypes.”

Masculinity, Online

With the majority of boys reporting exposure to masculinity content, Robb and his team wanted to be intentional about how they defined it. Some content containing masculinity messaging seemed to be neutral—neither harmful nor beneficial—while other content was overtly problematic. So they developed two categories, digital masculinity and problematic digital masculinity, to differentiate the kinds of messages boys are exposed to.

“When we talk about digital masculinity, we are talking about the ways that things are coded as masculine traits, values, and identities online,” says Robb. This term includes exposure to what Common Sense Media considers 12 of the most common—but not necessarily harmful—kinds of masculinity-related messaging like making money, muscle building, relationship advice, and using weapons. While 73% of boys regularly encounter masculinity-related content, 23% had particularly high levels of exposure to it.

Boys with high rates of digital masculinity exposure were significantly more likely to conform to beliefs about masculine stereotypes:

• 67% avoid discussing feelings with anyone
• 50% hide hurt feelings from friends
• 40% think sharing worries makes them look weak

The study also found 69% of boys are regularly exposed to problematic digital masculinity content. Problematic digital masculinity refers to a subset of online masculinity-related content that promotes harmful gender stereotypes with a particular emphasis on putting down women and girls. This included four specific types of messaging:

• Boys and men are treated unfairly compared to girls and women
• Girls and women should focus on taking care of their home and family
• Girls and women use their looks to get special treatment
• Girls and women only want to date certain types of men (tall, rich, or very handsome) 

Regardless of the type of content boys reported seeing, many of them felt pressured to follow “unwritten rules” of masculinity to avoid being made fun of by peers. The data included:

• 46% believe they must not cry, show sadness, or show fear
• 38% believe they cannot be perceived as “gay” or “feminine”
• 35% believe they should use humor instead of being serious about problems, should always act confident, and pretend not to care too much about anything
• 29% believe they should not talk seriously about feelings with friends

Despite their exposure to digital masculinity content, boys have developed strong attitudes towards caring for others. More than half believe in putting others’ needs before their own, caring about others’ feelings more than their own, and being friendly to someone even if that person is acting unfriendly towards them.

But this also shows that while boys are comfortable caring for others, they have less comfort and skills in expressing and seeking support for their own emotional needs. “There’s this paradox: boys haven’t lost their capacity for caring but they don’t necessarily allow themselves to receive care by expressing their emotions,” Robb says. “That paradox is a little bit overlooked.”

Boys Are Being Fed This Content, Whether They Want It or Not

Understanding what this content looks like and how wide of reach it has on social media leads to questions about how exactly it is getting in front of boys. The study found that, for the most part, boys are not seeking this content out. It is being served to them by social media algorithms. 68% of boys say masculinity content started showing up in their feed without them searching for it. This is in line with findings from previous studies conducted by other organizations exploring the role of algorithms in children’s social media feeds.

Boys pointed to TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram as the platforms where they most frequently see both digital masculinity content and problematic digital masculinity content. 

Here is what boys report seeing on these platforms:

• 74% of TikTok users and 60% of YouTube users see content suggesting that girls only want to date certain types of guys (tall, rich, handsome)
• 73% of TikTok users and 58% of Instagram users see content claiming that girls use their looks to get special treatment
• 64% of TikTok users and 50% of YouTube users encounter messages that boys are treated unfairly compared to girls.

Researchers interpret this data to mean that a “masculinity curriculum” of sorts is being curated through these platforms’ algorithms and served to boys at a time when their brains are particularly sensitive to messages related to identity formation and social expectations.

“It also reveals a common problem: we don’t necessarily treat kids as a special audience but we probably should,” says Robb. “Tech companies should be a little more careful about how easy it is to push certain kinds of messages or narratives to children whose brains are still developing.”

Influencers and Creators as Emotional Anchors

Social media tends to be filled with a lot of noise created by constantly changing fads like labubus or trends like “the performative male.” But there seems to be one constant in boys’ digital lives—social media influencers—and they have an outsized impact on their young audience.

Social media influencers stood out as a significant source of emotional support for adolescent boys. 60% of boys find them inspirational, and 56% say they receive practical help from these content creators. When boys have especially high exposure to masculinity content they are even more impacted by their relationships with social media influencers—71% of them find them inspirational and 68% find them helpful. 

“That suggests digital relationships can be feeding gaps that exist in their offline human networks,” says Robb.

Dr. Way, who acted as an advisor to Common Sense Media for this research study, was surprised by how few of the boys were actively following manosphere-related influencers and how many were following creators producing positive content.

“Boys are looking for connection and they will go where they need to go to find it, just like everyone else,” she says. “Sometimes these are positive spaces talking about taking care of yourself and supporting each other, and sometimes they are not. We need to create more positive online spaces [for boys].”

The Emotional Toll

While influencers may provide some boys with a sense of connection and validation, the wider world of digital masculinity content comes at a far steeper price.

The report included an anonymized quote from a 16-year-old participant that summarizes the emotional impact this content can have on boys: “I feel there’s a lot of pressure to be emotionally stable and uptight and just … a lot of pressure to be OK and not have issues and things going on mentally. And I don’t believe that’s fair.”

The more boys reported being exposed to digital masculinity content, the more they reported seeing appearance-related content, also known as looksmaxxing content. 91% of boys see appearance-related content online, and 75% see content about being muscular, in particular. Other common appearance-related content include dressing a certain way, being tall, having acne-free skin, and having a certain jawline or facial features.

This creates pressure on boys to conform to certain male beauty standards. One in four boys say social media makes them feel pressure to change the way they look, and almost one in five are dissatisfied with how they look. Boys with especially high levels of exposure to digital masculinity content are significantly more likely to say that social media makes them feel they should change their appearance.

Researchers also discovered a connection between exposure to this content and self-esteem. The majority of boys report normal levels of self-esteem, but the higher their exposure to digital masculinity content, the more they report low self-esteem and loneliness. 14% of boys with high digital masculinity exposure have low self-esteem (compared to 5% of boys with low exposure), and 30% of boys with high exposure report feeling lonely. Boys with high exposure are also more likely to report feeling “useless at times” or thinking that they are “no good”.

Dr. Way sees these findings as emphasizing the need for healthier spaces for boys. “Boys need positive connections for their mental health—they tell us that directly. If they don’t find it, their mental health suffers,” she says.

Where Boys Are Already Finding Support

There was some refreshingly positive news out of the study as well: boys are finding solace and guidance in their families, friendships, and even video game communities—despite the noise.

“In this research, and other research, we see that when you have social support networks, it’s often related to better self-esteem, less loneliness, and other kinds of better mental health outcomes,” says Robb.

Notably, 68% of boys say they have two or more people they can turn to when faced with a difficult situation, and 79% say parents are their first choice when looking for support. Meanwhile, boys who say they have at least one friend or any kind of real world human support also have higher rates of self-esteem.

It is not only that boys feel they can turn to their parents in times of need. A majority of parents are also doing their best to tackle important conversations about manhood—and some of these conversations seem to have a positive impact on boys:

• 88% of boys say they have had conversations with their parents about being a man
• 47% say the conversations are helpful
• 42% say they feel comfortable asking questions during these conversations

But high exposure to masculinity content also played a role here as with other areas in the study. The higher boys’ exposure to this content is, the less likely they are to seek external support during times of crisis.

What Social Media Platforms Need to Change

While family, friends, and in-person relationships are helping boys navigate the confusing maelstrom of messages they encounter online, the biggest changes need to happen much further upstream.

Robb emphasizes that the most important and immediate changes need to come from inside the tech industry, and specifically social media companies themselves. He says they need to prioritize the development of age-appropriate versions of their platforms that take a much more thoughtful approach to how algorithms serve content to children. The report also recommends that the algorithms include “content circuit breakers” that limit children’s exposure to harmful messaging about appearance and gender stereotypes.

Experts believe the tech industry should also be working in partnership with mental health organizations so that resources and appropriate support can be provided to child users who show signs of social isolation or emotional distress.

What Parents Can Do

While a shake-up of the technology industry may take some time, parents have the ability to make more immediate changes at home. For Dr. Way, this boils down to encouraging pro-social values within families. “I want parents to just focus on nurturing our children’s capacity to have caring and loving relationships,” she says. This begins with creating a family environment that allows all family members to express the full spectrum of human emotion, placing particular importance on caring, cooperation, and curiosity.

It is also essential that parents model this behavior in their personal lives. “Have friends in your life that are not your husband or wife or partner,” Dr. Way says. “Model that you can’t just put everything into one romantic basket. Friendships are critical to well-being, and we’ve known that for centuries.”

Dr. Way firmly believes that when pro-social values are emphasized in the home, it gives children the emotional skills they need to identify and choose to remove toxicity from their own lives. “But you have to allow your child to make that choice,” she says. Dr. Way also points out that children are usually much more connected to their natural capacities than adults are, and this can be a helpful guide for parents. “Children have a lot to teach us, they can remind us that we have the natural capacity to be sensitive,” she says.

This creates a supportive foundation from which parents can build. Common Sense Media provides the following guidance for parents looking to navigate conversations around digital masculinity messaging.

• Start conversations about algorithms: Begin with some questions that show your curiosity: “Have you noticed that your feed shows you a lot of videos about gambling?” or “What kinds of posts about making money do you see most often?” Then explain that this research shows that boys and young men often receive messages about masculinity even if they don’t search for that type of content. You may want to discuss questions like, “Why do you think technology companies believe boys like you want to see this kind of content?” or “How does it feel to know they are marketing to you in this way?”
• Discuss body image directly: Spend some time learning about concepts like “bigorexia” (an unhealthy fixation on building muscle mass) and the risks of eating disorders, which can sometimes go undiagnosed in boys. Ask questions like, “Social media shows a lot about being muscular or looking a certain way. Have you seen content like that?” and then follow up with questions like, “How does that make you feel about yourself?” If you have specific concerns about your child, be sure to seek professional medical help.
• Explore influencer relationships: Knowing that some teen boys look up to or admire the influencers they see, it’s best to lead with curiosity, not criticism. Ask questions like, “Which content creators do you find inspiring?” or “What advice have you gotten from people online?” Try to understand what makes the people they follow so interesting or compelling. Gently encourage some critical thinking by asking questions like, “Do they ever say things you disagree with or don’t like?”
• Address emotional expression: Boys need to hear—and see—the men in their lives expressing a full range of emotions. Be sure you’re not reinforcing rigid ideas of how boys and men are supposed to act or feel. You can ask questions like, “Do you feel pressure to act a certain way when you’re upset or worried?” or “Do the people you see online ever talk about how they handle their feelings?”
• Strengthen real-world connections: Prioritize family time, encourage face-to-face friendships, model healthy emotional expression, and help boys connect with multiple trusted adults in their lives.
• Leverage positive online communities: Since many boys find belonging in gaming communities, help them identify and participate in online spaces with positive community standards and good moderation. Don’t be afraid to step in if you hear slurs, insults, or hurtful language being used. Be clear about your limits and expectations.
• Connect digital interests to real-world activities: For example, if your son enjoys gaming, consider local gaming clubs, esports teams, or coding classes that combine his interests with face-to-face interaction.
• Create judgment-free zones: It can be challenging, but make it your goal to create a space where boys can discuss what they see online without worrying about being punished or having their internet access taken away. Try to help them navigate challenging situations and, if something has already happened, discuss what can be done to repair the situation and how to avoid similar incidents in the future.

Dr. Way frames it this way: Gender stereotypes are stories created by adults and they are amplified by powerful technology that is built by adults. These stories end up, intentionally or not, in the most intimate spaces in children’s lives—their digital devices. These stories also put “good” and “bad” labels on a spectrum of traits when, in fact, they are all necessary for healthy human existence. This creates what Dr. Way refers to as a hierarchy of humanness where one group feels ostracized and placed at the bottom of the hierarchy. “Nobody wants to be on the bottom,” she says. But digital masculinity content can make boys feel like that is exactly where they are. 

For boys to feel freed from this hierarchy, change needs to happen at every level, from homes and classrooms to community centers and government buildings, and most especially within the technology industry. It will require a unified and unceasing effort, but the ultimate reward is that younger generations can return to simpler childhoods untainted by harmful stereotypes from the adult world. The more technology companies are forced to build with children in mind, the more time we give children to live free from those harmful stereotypes just a little longer.