Are Adult Piercings a Result of Having Strict Parents?

Some moms in their 40s are joining a cohort of chic people who are reinventing their look. But instead of a fresh haircut, these moms are turning to body piercers for their glow-up.

Lise Carlaw and Sarah Wills, hosts of the Australian podcast Lise and Sarah, spoke about this trend of adults getting second piercings, on a recent episode. The hosts, who deem it the “second piercing theory,” say it has to do with a defiance against strict parents who discouraged multiple piercings in their youth.

“I think it is the women who wanted seconds when they were teenagers but they had parents who didn’t let them,” Wills says on the podcast. “Now they’re in their 40s, or early 50s, and they’re like, ‘Screw it.'”

Is there any basis to this? There might be, according to commenters on the post, as well as experts. 

Rise of Moms Getting Piercings

Interest in piercings later in life doesn’t surprise Starr Ellis, owner of Nine Moons Piercing in New York. She says she’s noticed an increase in new piercings for people in their 40s and 50s.

Statistics from Philadelphia’s Infinite Body Piercing had also found those between 35 and 44 years old made up about 12% of their clientele, while those 45 to 54 made up about 4%. Women constituted the majority of their clients in any age group.

And that’s not all: Ellis says there’s also an emerging trend for parents and their children of all ages piercing their bodies at the same time.

“We host many mom and child piercing events,” she says. “Clients have their elementary school-aged kids pierced safely and are inspired to get a new sparkle with them, as well as [moms in their] 40s to 60s [getting] mom and daughter matching piercings.”

Does the decision to get additional piercings as an adult stem from childhood?

Leah Rockwell, LPC, a therapist for mothers and founder of Rockwell Wellness Counseling, says many women find new confidence midlife at a time when parents have less of an impact on their decision-making.

“For many, the insecurities and need for approval that was so prominent during one’s youth begin to melt away,” she says. “Finding new ways to embrace one’s appearance—whether that’s additional piercings or other types of body art—can be an empowering part of what can feel like truly, finally, entering adulthood in which we set our own rules, rather than having others decide them for us.”

Of course, the decision to get additional piercings as an adult isn’t always about what our parents think. 

Michelle Jackson, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of Westside Psych in Los Angeles, says women in their 40s and beyond may be going through different life transitions like children getting older or career shifts. Piercings can be a way to mark or celebrate these moments.

“Piercings can literally and metaphorically mark a fresh start,” she says. “Also, many women in their 40s find that they feel less concerned about societal expectations or norms.”

Ellis also shares, “I personally attribute this to the cultural shift in societal acceptance of piercings, welcoming body art spaces, age becoming less relevant in people’s decisions, and of course the evolution of how cute piercings and jewelry are now.”

Fear of Parental Criticism During Adulthood

Later-life piercings is a trend I can get on board with. A few months after the birth of my daughter, I attempted to make a booking of my own (however, I was advised to wait until after my daughter and I finished breastfeeding). A new piercing feels like a way to reclaim my vitality and, yes, cling to a trend I figure will be easy to maintain while my children are small. But what would my mother think?

Growing up, my mom was staunchly against multiple piercings. Defying those boundaries as I approach my (cough) 40s feels liberating and very much empowering in a relatively subtle way.

The podcast proved to me that I’m not alone. Even though both podcasters say they are contemplating a second piercing now that they’re in their 40s, they still fear judgment from their own families. “Oh my god, I’d be so scared to see mom,’” shares Carlaw, who says she was raised by a strict dogmatic French family who was against piercings and tattoos.

Many of the 2,400 commenters on Lise and Sarah’s Instagram promotion shared similar experiences.

“Omg! This was me! My mum never let me get them and at 43 I got a second in both ears and was scared of what my mum would think, so I didn’t tell her and when she noticed it, she just said ‘that’s disgusting!’” shares @chillikiss.

“I got my 2nds and 3rds at 40 after never being allowed to when I was younger and being too scared of what my mum would think. Then I thought screw it. I’m a 40-year-old woman,” posts @sophiamcevoy.

These responses align with Rockwell’s understanding. She says that no matter how old we are, parental approval can be relevant for many adults.

“Especially if we had parents who were highly opinionated, controlling, or we lived in a home with many spoken or unspoken family rules about appearance, it’s really difficult not to internalize these messages,’ she says. 

Dr. Jackson says self-doubt, conflict avoidance, fear of rejection, along with cultural or religious beliefs, often contribute to parent-pleasing from adult children.

“Most children naturally want to please their parents and this doesn’t automatically go away when we reach adulthood,” she says. “As adults, many women find that they don’t want to disappoint their parents.”

It’s important to note that people often change as they age—and that can include once strict parents. Depending on family dynamics, Dr. Jackson encourages moms to consider speaking with their own parents about their concerns. “They may surprise you and have different beliefs now than they did when you were kids,” she shares.

How To Break the Cycle With Your Kids

Even if you know your parents had the best intentions, you may not want your kids feeling the same way as you did growing up.

Rockwell says if you want to break the cycle with your own children, keep the lines of communication open. She says rebellion comes when children don’t feel they can talk to their parents about things that might conflict with their views. 

But safety should never be compromised. 

“As in most things, rule setting as a parent needs to strike a balance between being firm and predictable while also allowing for a child’s self-expression and autonomy,” she says. “I’m always looking for the rule to be practical and to make sense for where the child is, developmentally.”

For example, it’s probably not the best idea for a child who struggles with hygiene to get a piercing that requires being cared for. 

“But if the parent is setting the rule simply because of how the choice may reflect on them as a parent,” says Rockwell, “that’s something else that a parent might want to explore more deeply within themselves.”